Match Game

I’ve learned to be pretty damn good at dusting myself off and getting my shit together, even if I have to fake it just to get by so no one asks questions.  I reflected on the previous night’s comedy of errors.  I was proud of myself for holding my own and that after 17 years I had my first date under my belt.  I also had to laugh at the sheer audacity of Rico Suave.  The material one could be pull from that hour of suffering, could make for some serious comedy fodder on television.

After getting up that morning, I crawled outside, grabbed my crutches and looked myself over in the powder room. I scared myself a little bit as I was the poor man’s Alice Cooper.  Make-up streaked down my face, grout lines imprinted on my left cheek and my hair a mess of tangles.  I needed to get ready fast as I remembered that I was taking my daughter into Toronto to go back-to-school shopping.

I quickly called Holly to discuss last evening’s activities and she was just happy that I was safe. She said  that I needed to most definitely to kick Rico Suave to the curb if I haven’t done so already.  She also encouraged me to get back out there.  I got the ‘shitty date’ out of the way.  It can only get better moving forward, she advised.

Shopping was a great distraction.  I was pretty much back to my old self by the end of the day and made plans to see some girlfriends Monday night for dinner.

Leilani and her younger sister Piper arrive at my place for dinner Monday and after a quick tour of my new abode I rehash my date night to them over homemade chicken tacos.  They simultainiously laugh and cringe at the details.  They then ask to take a look at the dating sites I’m on and how they work.

I bust out my computer and show them Similar and eCompatability; the two sites I signed up for.  I then explain how winks and smiles worked and it then becomes a  ‘Find a Date for Curiousanyone’ game.  They each took turns picking out a dude for me to check out and if I approved then ‘we’ would send out a ‘wink’ or ‘smile’.  Little did I know that they viewed guys that not only appealed to them like ‘salsasmooh78’ or ‘steeeeeve74’ they also viewed dudes that were a certainly in the ‘not a chance in hell’ category. 

We went back between both sites and we were acting like idiot high school girls looking at the profiles and pics of assorted men.  They were horrified at how questionable some of the photos and profile write-ups were.  Then we noticed someone liked a few of my photos and that he even liked one of my CRIPPLED pics. 

So immediately we go to check out his profile.  His profile was pretty basic. Laid out in just list form of ‘I love…’  Nothing stood out but we perused his photos and THEY thought he looked decent so we collectively decided that WE should ‘wink’ at him.  Wink sent, we went to check out the other fancy dating site I was on.  I answered an email over there and my friends wanted to check back to the other site since there was a far greater plethora of men to peruse through.  Upon my return I discovered that there was an email, from the dude we sent a wink at 10 minutes earlier!! 

Needless to say my girlfriends squealed and were giddy with excitement as was I - a little. (Not gonna lie).  Now I totally had to reply back with THEIR help of course. Below is a transcript of our email interaction which unfolded in a about a 40 minute time-span late Monday evening:

Him:

Thanks for the wink…very sweet of you…

How are you?

To say I was hyperventilating a little as to how to answer was an understatement.  It took us close to 10 minutes to come up with a witty enough reply that didn’t sound too needy or serious.  Leilani noticed the famous Oscar selfie Ellen made famous and we laughed that he tried to insert his face in the image.  We opened with that…

Me:

Very jealous that you went to the Oscars this past year :P  My Photoshop skills are probably worse then yours.

I see you like to travel.  What are some of your favourite destinations you have visited?  I would love to travel more.  My dream is destinations are Paris and Cambodia.

Cheerio

I honestly did not think he would have responded so quickly so the girls and I checked the other dating site to see if the gentleman I smiled at sent something back.  Lo and behold, HE DID TOO!!  We answered the survey type questionnaire that was sent and we checked back to Similar.  There was a message waiting in my inbox!  This then prompted a screaming frenzy from Leilani and Piper.  I just laughed my ass off.

Him:

Don’t be jealous…I was a “seat filler”…auditions for that were terrible…I’ll leave it at that….

Paris is a great bucket list…I love a lot of places…sometimes home…sometimes far away…I loved Prague…I love Budapest…I love my kitchen…it all depends on the time and day…

Warm Regards

Piper was all over the ‘Warm Regards’ close of his email.  At this point in the night Leilani probably urinated about 4 times in 15 minutes, saying she was so nervous for ALL of us.  OMG!  How do we respond back?  He seemed so well travelled.  Piper, who like me was single, suggested to still keep the response light and to mention that I bake but I should end the email with something cuter then ‘Cheerio’.  I decided that I would end with a happy face emoticon.  Daring, I know.

Me:

Wow!  Those are some pretty awesome places you’ve visited, was that for business or pleasure?  I travel for leisure mostly through North America.  I do like a good road trip.

Are you a good cook?  Do you follow a recipe or do you wing it?  Like you, my kitchen is also one of my favourite destinations.  I love to cook and am a self-taught baker.  Dude I can make a totally legit croissant from scratch!  LOL!

:)

Back to eCompatibility.  Buddy over there wanted to skip straight over to direct contact via email!  Wow!  Leilani, Piper and myself were all flushed with excitement.  I accepted his invite to email then we quickly went back to see if the other gentleman responded.  Yup.  There was a message in my inbox.

Him:

Ha…laughing about the croissant part…

I have travelled everywhere…mostly for pleasure…as of late as I get older and wiser…I travel for work…

You are cute my friend…and I adore cute…

His close of ‘You are cute my friend…and I adore cute…’ caused not only heart palpitations but also screaming worthy of going to see a boy band in concert.  I was laughing and shaking at the same time.  Piper and Leilani were already swooning.  Now we knew the next response to him was critical.  We needed to make it flirty without sounding desperate.

Me:

Aww…you’re making me blush.  You are pretty handsome…and I adore handsome :)

Do you want to move this over to IM? I am a night owl…

We hit send and at this point we had long forgotten about the buddy over at the other site.  At this point in the evening the girls were peppering their sentences with the word ‘adore’ like it was going out of style.  The entire evening felt like I was at a high school sleepover.  Hilarious.  Then we immediately noticed there was a reply.

Him:

Would you just prefer my number?

HOLY FUCK!  The girls were jostling me around like a rag doll now and fanning themselves acting like pure idiots.

Me:

Sure.  I’d love to chat with you…

I am grinning like a Cheshire cat right now.

Him:

Okie dokie…

He emails me his digits and I IMMEDIATELY usher my friends out the door so that I can chirp with my new friend without distraction.  We all agree that it was one of the BEST NIGHTS ever hanging out.  I hugged and kissed them and said I ‘ADORED’ them to no end and I would give them the 411 ASAP.  Just “Get the fuck out of my house already bitches!”  I said jokingly.

I wave them good-bye as they drive away.  Lock my front door and literally skip towards my phone.  It’s 10:34pm when I call his number…