Plenty of Fish

I had seen Mr. Tuesday a few times post fur trapping.  Did he notice?  Not sure actually.  Our “friends with benefits” situation was satisfying our basic carnal desires.  Intercourse happens regardless if one has hair or not.  Although he always got to finish, I ensured I ALWAYS did not.  My way of making sure my emotional attachment remained strictly friends.

I enjoyed my time with him however I knew that I wasn’t the ONLY one enjoying HIS time so I made sure that I still was active on the dating sites.  Mr. Tuesday was a tough act to follow but I was determined to explore my options. 

Despite the fact that there were plenty of fish in the sea, the pickings were very slim. 

Below are some the actual email openers that were sent my way:

Bure_pavel69:

Hey Sexy…I have a nice bum and a huge cock.

Tbgoodfun:

How do you feel about slightly older men? (He was 79, just sayin’)

Lemonade9:

I live in New Zealand.  Too far away?  I hope not.

Pleases:

Ok you have a great smile I will try not to lick your lipstick off.

Miraclestar1:

Well! My Dear, I am just a Simple Guy who wants to truly find a Lady to be My Best Friend, and Share My Life in making a commitment to "LOVE" as I don’t play games , for that really hurts and you don't hurt someone that you are in Love with....I have been there and I would never want it to happen again; We only walk this way once, and giving your Heart
To someone Special is what Love is really all about , I want to be Honest and open to a Lady I meet so She will know that I am for real and not giving her a line of lies to get Her to make the wrong choice. I am tired of being alone, and I want to share my Home and life with you if you let me show you who I really am inside as a person looking for Love......

Michel1967:
You have a nice smile. Is it real?

HermanHarvey007:
Sorry to disturb you but I am looking for a nanny for my children. I’d like to know if you are interested.

ScottWillis:
Angels are beautiful but your beauty is the kind that angels dream about.

Bryan69228:
How do you like to take it?

FunRomantic:
Do you have big nipples?

Resonator1976:
Bite my lip and I’m all yours.

Sportygent111:
Be my wife.

Bayboy123:
Will you talk to me…like now…how about later today…okay tomorrow then…please send me a sign…

Let’s face it, dating a crippled girl is not exactly the most appealing thing for men.  Most of the men who contacted me were interested in me either as a pseudo-insta-wife, easy lay or as a novelty.  I was like a bucket list fuck.  One has to admit it makes for great storytelling to say you slept with someone missing an appendage.

I would like to add that all the men mentioned above had HORRIBLY composed photographs that made them look like rapists or serial killers. No joke.  One dude even looked like Jesus on crack. 

I did have a few guys in their 20’s hit me up and they were pretty smooth but I just couldn’t bring myself to follow through… I was old enough to be their mother!!  It was a nice little confidence booster as they were totally cute but I knew EXACTLY what I was to them…circus freak fuck.  No thanks.

I was definitely not going to stop looking despite some of the discouraging, and sometimes disturbing, messages I received.  I kept thinking to myself…four more dicks in me and my oats would be have been sowed completely.  Thusly I had to keep on truckin’.  My current arrangement with Mr. Tuesday was super convenient I believe for the both of us.  So why stop a good thing?  We were both having our cake and eating it too, right?  It was always casual with ZERO strings attached.  It was exactly what I wanted until he called me and asked me to go out with him to a fancy show.

The Beaver Pelt

Mr. Tuesday and I spoke on the phone over the next few days and discussed our encounter.  He told me that I was a damn fine lay compared to some able-bodied women he’s slept with. To say I was shocked when he disclosed that information was an understatement.  I was happy dancing all kinds.  It made me want to go and fuck him ASAP.  Sadly however the logistics of us meeting up again so soon was complicated. We both mutually maintained contact via cell and I was praying that he would want to have another “friendly” rendezvous soon.

With the possibility of more sex on the horizon I decided that I needed to properly maintain my nether region.  The fact that it took THREE triple blade razors to rid myself of enough hair to make a life-sized sculpture of an Ewok was disturbing.  You cannot even imagine what my stubble situation was post shave.  Let’s just say that it would not be a problem to grate a hard cheese, rind and all with my crotch. 

Having a tidy vajayjay was never a priority.  I wasn’t a fan of cunnilingus so what was the point?  Penis in vagina will occur if there is hair or not, right?  I have on occasion done an outer lip shave just so that I didn’t look like Borat when I wore a bathing suit.  Also, when I was super pissed off at my now ex-husband, I’d use his razor to take EVERYTHING off so I would ensure he would have a super fun shave the next day as punishment.  Granted I suffered a few days later once the hair came in.  Actually, now that I think about it, I just let that rain forest grow down there because I just couldn’t deal with the torture of the stubble.

Many of my girlfriends suggested that I get my fur burger waxed. The thought that a complete stranger, who is NOT your doctor or someone you’re fucking, touching your business kind of freaked me out.  I did entertain the idea several times in the past but couldn’t get over all the strange positions one would have to pose for JUST to get into all those special nooks and crannies.  Let’s not forget the pain.  I’ve been told it was almost akin to childbirth.  I remember those days.  NOT FUN.

After much consultation with Carrie about maintaining my lady parts along with coaxing from the local neighbourhood gal who does my pedicure, eyebrows and all the mommy waxing in the ‘hood’, I booked an appointment to get a real proper bikini wax.

I was told that one’s VERY first whisker biscuit wax was going hurt.  BAD.   Like a bitch.  That I should prepare by having a drink to take the edge off.  Fuck.  I should smoke weed instead then there would be NO EDGE.  Alas, I was not able to get my hands on some the day of my waxing. I gave myself a good scrub down so that I was meadow fresh when I spread my legs open.  I took three shots of Soho and finished half a bottle of riesling at 9:30 in the MORNING.  I know, classy.   Needless to say, I was buzzing pretty darn good.

I arrived at my appointment feeling only slightly nervous thanks to the alcohol.  Karly, my esthetician, told me to take my pants off but leave my panties on.  Strange I thought.  I figure that I’d have to be naked from the waist down, guess not.  John Mayer was playing softly in the background.  How appropriate that “Your Body is Wonderland” was the song. 

“Did you have something to drink?” Karly asked smiling.  “Yuppers.” I quickly responded as I hopped up on the table.  She then asked if I was nervous as she placed a towel over my lower half.  I told her that I wasn’t as anxious as I was earlier thanks to my alcohol consumption.  “PERFECT!”  She squealed out.

“This is going to be a tag team kinda job okay?  I’ll tell you to where to put your hand and you pull the skin there.  It makes it easier to apply the wax and to really get all those little hair goodies.”

I felt her tuck some Kleenex into the right side of my panties before she gave me a front wedgie.  “Spread ‘em girl.”  Baby powder was then sprinkled on me and then she asked me to pull my inner thigh taught with my right hand and then with my left to hold the front wedgie in place.  I watched as she dipped a wide flat stick into the hot wax.  I tensed up in anticipation.  I felt the extremely warm wax adhere to my skin.  She then placed a strip of fabric directly onto the wax then rubbed the prepared area.  Fuck.  Here it comes.

“Ready?”  Karly asked, eyes intently fixed on me.

I could only nod.  I had tensed up as I bit down on my lower lip and worried my eyebrows together.

Karly got a good grip on the corner of fabric that was wax free and then on the count of three….RRRRRRRRRRIP!  SWOOSH!

I squeaked out my discomfort like a piglet then exhaled loudly.  Fuck, did that ever hurt, but not as much as I would have thought.  Then I remembered that she still has the rest of Dumbledore’s beard to do.  Damn.

“Do you want everything off?”  she asked just as I let out a loud hiss from her latest pull.  “I think I want a little bit of a landing strip but everything else can go.” I replied through clenched teeth.  The next thirty minutes consisted of grunts and hissing on my end and I got a full abdominal workout from being so tense just before every biting rip of the cloth.  Karly was so OCD about getting every stray hair she even busted out the tweezers to get at the little suckers that didn’t stick to the wax.  THAT. WAS.  TORTURE. 

When she let me know she was totally done I exhaled loudly and wiped the small beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead.  “What did you think?”  Karly asked as I picked out my front vaj wedgie  “It hurt but not as much as I thought it would.” I replied as I was putting my pants back on.  I felt very uhhh…aerodynamic and spacious without the forest of pubes occupying real estate in my panties.  I felt lighter actually.  Weird, I know but that’s what it felt like to be practically hairless down there.

I was dying to get home and look at myself.  I thanked Karly and she told me that in order to maintain my burger buns I would need to come in at least every 5 weeks.  I booked my next appointment and made my way home.  I went straight to the bathroom as soon as I entered the threshold of my house.  I dropped my pants and panties and looked at Karly’s handiwork. 

WHOA.  It looked so smooth and neat.  The landing strip was nice and even and I felt like I had the crotch of a porn star.  I couldn’t stop looking at myself from EVERY angle.  Damn she was good.  I wanted to walk around sans bottoms all day.  Fuck.  I wanted to kick myself for not doing this sooner.  My overall experience with my very first bikini wax was that it was both painful and erotic at the same time.  Odd but true.  I loved the feeling the heat from the wax but the sudden jarring pain when a pull had to be done was brutal.  Ying and yang I guess.  Either way, I’m glad I did it and couldn’t wait to test my porn-like looking vagina.  Beaver pelt gone it was time to call Mr. Tuesday…

An Aside: Earned It

To make up for the fact I missed so many posts during the holiday season I thought I would share a bit of what kept me going during my “dry spell”.  I got by okay but as we all know nothing beats the real thing.  Below is a fantasy sequence of mine that I have revisited MANY times.  No names, and no distinguishing physical descriptions.  I just really have a thing for blue eyes.  So imagine anyone of your choosing.  I certainly did!  With the upcoming release of Fifty Shades of Grey it only seemed appropriate that one should listen to “Earned it” by The Weekend as your soundtrack as you read this.  You’ll thank me later…

                                          **********************************

I asked him if he wanted to come inside for bit as I began to unlock my door.  He pressed his torso against my back, slipped his left hand around my waist and with his right hand pushed my long hair off my shoulders and pulled at my grey cashmere cowl neck sweater exposing my goose pimpled skin.  His nose nuzzled my neck before his lips placed a slow languid kiss just above my collarbone.  I closed my eyes, head lolled back against him as I smiled.  “I guess that’s a yes.”

“Mmmm…definitely a yes.” He whispered.

I pulled away just enough to open the door as his hand slipped to grip my hip as he followed close behind me.  No sooner did I close the door did he spin me around, place his hands on both my wrists and push me against the door.  My hands pinned behind me, his chest pressed against mine.  His noticeable length, through his jeans, pressed like a rolling pin against my upper thigh. 

My breathing picked up just a bit.  I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could arouse me so easily.  Control.  Stay in control.  I had no choice but to look up at him. I wanted to be defiant so I pursed my lips.  Under his hooded blue eyes a smirk played upon his face: “Playing hard to get, huh?  We’ll see about that.”

He then began his assault on my mouth.  His tongue forced open the closed seam of mine and he eagerly savoured my tongue against his.  He was ruthless in his kissing and kissed me so deep it sent tremors to my very core.  Especially when I  let his right hand slip up and under my sweater and forcefully palmed my breast.  I was wet and had to press my thighs together to help stave off my rise to satisfaction.  I moaned audibly into his mouth when he pushed up my bra to tweak my nipples.

“Tell me what you want.” He ghosted against my lips before he freed his other hand and divested me of my bra and sweater.  He buried his face in my cleavage for just a beat and then suckled my nipples with abandon.  I was panting now and my hands were raking his soft hair.

I pulled his face up to mine and softly nibbled his stubbled jaw line before placing my mouth hungrily back on his.  I kissed him slow and deep as my hands began work on pushing aside his jacket and unbuttoning his black button-up.  I pressed my naked chest against his rippling torso.  My hardened nipples grazed the warmth of his hard chest as my hands and mouth made their way to the waistband of his jeans.  I looked up at him through my lashes before I licked a languid line up the entire length of his toned upper body, from happy trial to the very hollow of his neck, then marked him where I could feel his pulse against my tongue. “Actually you should tell me what you want.” And I palmed him through his jeans…

“I asked you first baby.” He groaned out before pressing his forehead against mine, eyes closed and his hands rubbing up and down my bare back.  I waited a minute for him to open his eyes so he could watch me unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans.  I slipped both my hands slowly and carefully into his Calvin’s and grazed my fingertips against his inner thighs and hips.  I dropped down to my knees, pulled down his jeans and peeled away his grey boxer-briefs.  I made sure to avoid the most sensitive part of him, which was at FULL attention, leaking a little pre-cum.  Fuck.  He was glorious hard.  I noticed his shallow breathing as I licked him at his base and up his balls.  I was still conscious to avoid contact with his shaft and very swollen crown.  Control.  Remember.  I wanted to be in control so that he would lose control with me when we finally fucked.

“Okay,” I breathed out so very close to his bulging tip.  “I know what I want.” And with that, I ran my left index finger every so lightly from the underside of his balls, up the length of his stem and used the tip of my finger to gently rub the leaking pre-cum around his aching head.  His knees buckled just a little and I then began my slow ascent upwards ensuring his cock would leave a wet trail from the hollow of my throat to the valley between my breasts down my stomach to just below my belly button.

“Anything…”  He panted out to my right ear before caressing my mouth with his.  I bit his upper lip before I pulled away to look at him again.  His eyes were so vividly blue they were like lasers burning into mine.  I chewed my bottom lip and took his hands which were on my ribcage and placed them strategically just below the hem of my black pencil skirt. 

I eyed him and nodded.  I arched my back and he laved at my heavy breasts just before he used his right knee to part my legs open.  He leisurely then began to pull my skirt up just as he kissed his way down my body and stopped when my skirt was bunched up at my waist.  He chuckled with approval  when his hands went to rub the inside of my thighs and my ass and discovered that I was without panties.  “Well then…this is a pleasant surprise.” He mumbled against my throat before grabbing a handful of my hair and pulled my head back.  He kissed me and lost his tongue inside my mouth.   However not before his other hand began an achingly slow rub of my very wet folds.

I was gasping for air as he continued his onslaught with his mouth and hand.  Rubbing me just right, middle finger perfectly swiping my sensitive nub.  I could feel myself begin to tighten.  Then without warning, he dropped to his knees and hooked my right leg over his shoulder.  His mouth began what could only described as exquisite torture as he licked and sucked my clit until I began to convulse.  His tongue velvet against me.  I completely buckled when he reached up with one hand to grab a handful of breast and with the other put two fingers inside me.

“FUUUUCCKK!  AHHHHH….”  I keened out loud.  

It took him only a few more pumps and swipes with his fingers and tongue before I exploded into a million tiny pieces.  I dug my nails deep into his forearm and shoulder as I came.  I trembled as wave after dazzling wave washed over me.  It was by far one of the best ways to proverbially drown.

Holy fuck.  Boneless doesn’t even describe how I felt after I came.  I now desperately wanted him in my mouth and inside me.  He just made me lose complete control and I needed to get some of that back.  Bastard.

I wiped the sweat off my brow and took a minute to catch my breath before I crawled my way up his torso ensuring my breasts and dewy entrance brushed against his aching cock.  He hissed loudly in pleasure.  I laid my body across his and kissed him soft and slow.  I could taste myself against his tongue, his face still glistening with my juices.

He was about to speak when I spoke into his mouth as I continued to kiss him. “I know baby…I know exactly what you want.”  I rubbed the outside of my swollen pussy against the length of his turgid shaft.  I just wanted to slide myself onto him right then and there but it was his turn to lose control. I needed to be generous too.  I let my long hair block his view so he could only hear and feel what I was doing to him.  I shimmied my way down very slowly so that I was able to nip, suckle and kiss every last inch of skin that was in my path going south.  He knew I was so close to where he wanted me to be.

I firmly wrapped my left hand around him and began to pump.  He moaned then lifted his hips ever so lightly to let me know he liked what I was doing.  Again, I avoided touching the bulging crown but then pulled my hair off to the side so he could get a bird’s eye view of me using my hand on him.  His mercurial blue eyes bore into me as I stared at him lustfully.   I smiled devilishly just as I opened my fist so I could flatten my tongue against the root of him.  I licked my way up to his head then engulfed him as far as I could go.  He was a little more than halfway into my mouth before he hit the back of my throat.  “Ahhh…” He moaned out and that was my cue for me to close my lips around his thickness and have him watch me suck.  He only managed to look at me briefly before his head fell back onto the floor, eyes closed his breathing ragged. 

He was smooth and shiny against my lips and I fucking loved seeing him unravel before me.  I palmed his balls, then wrapped my left hand around him again, feverishly moving my hand up and down as I was feeding on his head.  My cheeks hollowed out so much that you could almost see the outline of him on the sides of my face.

“Hoooollllyyy fuuuuckkk!” He called out loud and his legs began to tremble.  I could feel he was about ready to come but I wanted to feel him explode inside me. 

I stopped. 

He looked up at me hyperventilating, eyes wide with shock that I was so abrupt  but I scrambled quickly on top of him and I could see in his eyes he could tell what would happen next.

I grabbed this throbbing manhood with my right hand, held it firm below my eager warmth.  I was already drenched as I sunk onto him excruciatingly slow,drawing his hardness into me, surrounding it with my soft, wet heat.   It was torture for the both of us and without warning he grasped my hips firmly with both hands and forcefully pushed me down onto him so that he filled me completely.   My mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ as I felt air get knocked out me.  He began to move first then I matched his movements as I rocked in time with him.  Fuck he was so deep.  Hitting me in just the right spot as I gyrated my hips against his.  My breasts were heavy and full in his hands as he fondled my nipples.  I could feel orgasm number two building inside me.  His pace picked up and slid his hands down to grip my hips like handles so he could push me deeper and harder into him.  “Yes baby…yesssss…” he groaned out between thrusts.  I could feel myself begin to tense and my legs quake and and I heard the agony of desire in each breath we took.  He wrapped my hair around his left wrist and pulled.  He then used his right thumb to stroke my engorged clit and I wailed out his name as I came apart for the second time.  My eyes rolled back and I saw stars.  “I’M COOOOMMMING!!!!!!” He called out and he let go of my hair.  I opened my eyes and I saw his neck cord as he grunted and spilled himself into me.   I  savoured the quake of our orgasms and we convulsed until we were both still and utterly sated.

Thoroughly drenched in sweat, exhausted and breathless we rolled off one another and whispered together, “Earned it.”

Kiss and Yell

I was on a bit of a high, post sex and feeling fucking awesome rehashing my dirty tryst with Mr. Tuesday with all my girlfriends.  They were ALL so happy for me and I just needed to complete my circle and relay my latest life update with Victor. 

I’ve known Victor for over half of my life.  The dude has seen me through all the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows and vice versa.  He is the one person who truly knows ALL the skeletons in my closet.  We don’t see or speak with each other often but when we do, the two of us just pick up where we left off last.  Happily married with two kids and his wife is deadly gorgeous.

It was my bff duty to call him.  It was late Friday night when we spoke.  I was all bubbly and giddy as I retold, in great detail, my unexpected sexcapade.  I totally thought he’d be all over the fact that I did something so out of character and so very liberating.  He was well aware of my ‘dry spell’ and my complete lack of confidence so I was really expecting that final pat on the back from my oldest and dearest friend. 

Alas.  That was not the case.

VICTOR:

Are you out of your fucking mind??

ME:

What are you talking about?  Dude, I JUST had a super lusty night with someone.  It was totally consensual and fun.  Very out of character of me but fuck, it was awesome.

VICTOR:

I just don’t think that you are being very smart.  You just moved out on your own, you have kids…

ME:

Wait.  What does just moving out and having kids have to do with the fact that I just fucked someone?

VICTOR:

You just don’t want to bring that shit into your home.  Plus you’re a mother.  Kids first.

I was totally flabbergasted at his response to my encounter.  I truly believed that he would be on cloud nine for me considering how he knew exactly how I felt about my self-esteem and my situation.  He was supposed to share in my glory.  Be happy that I did something that felt so damn good both physically and mentally, once I got past my numerous anxiety attacks, that is.

VICTOR:

You don’t know a single thing about him besides the fact that he is a “player”.

ME:

What’s wrong with that?  I knew exactly what kind of creature he was when I went on the date with him.  Eyes wide open for me.  I wanted to test the waters out, to just have fun.  I haven’t been laid in two fucking years and what better way to get fucked then with someone who KNOWS what he’s doing.  Penis in vagina was pretty nice dude.

VICTOR:

Did you come?

ME:

No but…

VICTOR:

HA!  Not good then.  What’s the point of fucking someone if you don’t come? 

ME:

Ummm…HE came…TWICE…so I think I did alright.  Anyways, I don’t give a shit if I came or not…I fucked someone and someone willingly wanted to fuck me.  My vagina was serviced with a fucking real dick and a pretty nice one as a matter of fact,  tell me that isn’t fucking awesome??   I took care of business afterward.  He was gentlemanly during the whole encounter and I feel great, what’s the problem Victor?

VICTOR:

I just think that you need to concentrate on getting your shit together and focusing on the kids.  I just think that you’re not being very smart.  I think you need to talk to someone.  A professional.

Whatever miniscule moment of happiness I had, vanished after talking to him.  I began to doubt my decision about getting into the dating game and especially sleeping with Mr. Tuesday.  Maybe I was being a selfish bitch.  That I was putting my needs first above all things.  I was a shitty human being for being so frivolous.  I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.  Dammit.

I managed to sway the conversation from my tryst to updating him on all the other mundane shitty parts of my life which seemed to suit him fine.  I eventually let him go but not before he had to shank me with…“Make sure you go and talk to someone and kids first bitch.”  Kiss. Kiss. 

Fuck.  Sigh.

I laid on my couch for a good thirty minutes mulling over the events of the last twenty-four hours and what Victor spewed at me.   I teared up a bit thinking that I disappointed my oldest friend but then I realized he was just looking out for my best interests and being protective.  Maybe I needed that dose of tough love.  To ensure that I keep my head and heart separate as I further explore this “friends with benefits” arrangement.  It is all brand spanking new to me.  I also noted that he isn’t living MY LIFE.  No matter how much I discuss my situation with him or anyone for that matter, they will NEVER understand exactly what I am feeling.  No one can.

I am a grown damn woman.  Being a mother doesn’t mean I have to forget who I was BEFORE kids.  I’m still a single woman with basic needs, wants and desires.  I should be able to act upon them as I see fit, with whom I see fit, if it makes me happy.  Not everyone is going to be pleased with me but I have to remember that it’s okay.  Good or bad, I know a lesson is going to be learned that will make or break me.  If it’s the latter then so be it.  Like I said, I ALWAYS find a way to pick myself up, dust myself off and move the fuck on.

  

Pon Da Replay

The very first thing I did when I closed the door was totally take a post-sex selfie and posted that shit-eating grin on my Facebook page with the caption, “Good motherfucking morning world!”

I now had to give my favourite bitches the play-by-play of the night because of course, that’s what girls do and I was DYING to just physically talk with someone about my indiscretion. 

Below are my actual text exchanges between my girlfriends over a two-hour time frame from when Mr. Tuesday dropped me off at home:

ME:

Mr. Tuesday is driving me home from his place…

JENN:

Shut up!!!!!  Did you guys do it!!!!!  Stop holding out on me!!!!!!!  Tell me!!!!!

ME:

Are you up?

JENN:

You ass!  I know you want to tell me!  Call me quick!!!!!!

LEILANI:

What!!!  Good for you!!!  Need the deets!!!  Who?  What?  When?  Where?

ME:

Call me….

PIPER:

WHAT?????  With who????  Mr. Tuesday???

ME:

Yes.
PIPER:

LOL!! Amazing!  Good for you girl!

MIRANDA:

I assume you saw Mr. Tuesday?

ME:

I went to his place at 1:30 in the morning.  He called to chirp and he dared me to come over…so I did.  Serviced TWICE!

MIRANDA:

Omg, u had better have a nap

ME:

I need to brush my teeth first then I’ll sleep.   He did after all impregnate my mouth.  Hahaha!!

MIRANDA:

Sweet dreams girlfriend!!

  

SASH:

HAHA!  Love it….Mr. Tuesday?

ME:

Yup.

CARRIE:

WHAT?

ME:

TWICE in one night!

CARRIE:

Nice….was it good sex?  Did he have a nice dick?

ME:

I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.  I had an anxiety attack in the middle of him fucking me the first time because I had body image issues with myself.  He does have a nice dick.  He manscapes.  I let him impregnate my mouth!

CARRIE:

Well if you were so nervous and have been pleasuring yourself for a while then it may take some time.

I love that my girlfriends never once made me feel slutty for the out-of-the-blue crazy shit I just pulled.  Virtual pats on the back was what I got and I was so thoroughly amused by that.

The very last person I got in touch with was Holly.  She by far was THE most excited about my encounter and made me belly laugh like no one’s business via text.

ME: 

My vagina was serviced last night… TWICE!!!

HOLLY:

Shut the fuck up!!!!  Shut the fuck up!!!!  BY WHO????!!!!!!  OMGEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ME:

Mr. Tuesday

HOLLY:

Way to go Girlfriend!!!  How was it??  Was it amazing??  Do you feel awesome??  Tell me, tell me!!

ME:

I had an anxiety attack for the first time we went for it.  Body hang-ups and shit.  By the time we did it the second time it was better but I didn’t enjoy as much as I should.  He fucked my mouth good ‘tho.

HOLLY:

Wait a second.  Any 40+ year old man who can service a vajayjay more than once in a night is a fuckin’ hero.  Just saying.  Ahhhhh… I kinda love that you had this wild wild sexcapade.

ME:

Me too

HOLLY:

Free your mind girl… let the jizz clear your soul!!  So, so, are we friends with Mr. Tuesday, or just fucking Mr. Tuesday, or seeing where it goes.  Damn Gurl – I’m fuckin’ excited you got LAID!!!  We should celebrate!!!

ME:

It was a total booty call night.  I went to his place at 1:30 in the morning!!!  He dared me to come over.  He didn’t think I would actually show up.

HOLLY:

Haha!!  Good for you Girl.  You know what you want.  You go for it!!

ME:

I think we’re gonna end up with a friend with benefits situation.  I’m not putting my eggs in one basket.

HOLLY:

That’s good too tho…

ME:

And neither is he

HOLLY:

You need it.  Sex is an amazing euphoric release that you need girl.  And it gets all the jitters out and works out the kinks!!  Ain’t nothing wrong with FWB.

ME:

I know, I just gotta get over my body image hang-ups.

HOLLY:

Just don’t get emotionally attached and you are GOOD!!  This should help.

  

ME:

Call me later tonight and I can totally spill the deets properly!!!  So so dying to tell you!!

  

HOLLY:

Making a man feel good.  Or letting a man love your body (and do it good) is what you need!!  I will, I will.  I fuckin’ love you.  Way to GO !!  You get on wit your bad ass self!!  Boot-TAY Licious!!

ME:

Fucking Love Love Love YOU!!

HOLLY:

100 million times ditto

I then send her a shameless selfie with the caption, “Me, waiting in his car as he gets Starbucks for the drive home”

HOLLY:

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!  That looks like an amazing after sex up all night selfie.  Damn Gurl – You Fine!!!  It’s your ‘Sorta been Fucked’ photo!

ME:

OMG YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!

HOLLY:

Loves It

ME:

I fucking reek of cologne and sex.  SO AWESOME!  Holy Fuck!  I just looked in the mirror and I have scratch marks running the length of my back!!

HOLLY:

Damn Gurl – He rough!!! (And you were obvi that good!!!  Made him pounce!!!  Rawwrrrrr!!!)  Damn!!  I think you should name him Tony the Tiger!  LOL

No joke, after speaking with my friends I totally felt like a damn rock star.  I also felt confident that I could swing the whole FWB thing.  That I can separate mind from body.  I like fucking…well actually I like everything that leads up to fucking…the actual intercourse is always just meh for me. 

However I remembered what Carrie told me, that it’s been so long since someone else pleasured me that it would take some time for me to fully enjoy sex.  I also needed to work on my body image issues.  That shit haunts me on the regular.  Either way I fucked a dude on my own terms and was COMPLETELY fine with it. 

I just wondered what Mr. Tuesday thought our late night tryst.  I’d NEVER contact him of course to find out.  I just hoped that IF we ever met up again he would tell me if I was decent or not.  I know for dudes, that sex - even if it’s bad- is still good sex.  I was just happy that he was a total gentleman from beginning to end, so no harm no foul should he not contact me again.

Total bounce in my hobble the ENTIRE day, that is until I called an old friend to relay my news….

...And Repeat

I JUST had sex…with a practical stranger…nine days after we first met…HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

I waited so long to just throw caution to the wind and I didn’t even really enjoy the whole thing.  Yeah, I got some good feels out of it, but I was just so in my head about being naked and my performance that it seemed more like a task rather then something fun.  I however also believe that my sleeping with Mr. Tuesday solidified the fact that I was really and truly totally single.  No more significant attachment.

His warm naked body was pressed against mine in perfect post coital slumber.  I so wanted to revel in my personal victory but I couldn’t.  I actually just wanted to go home.  The deed was done.  He got what he wanted from me and I from him.  I didn’t think there was a need for me to stay.    What I did tonight was so incredibly uncharacteristic of me that it totally felt like an out of body experience.

I laid awake for what seemed liked and eternity and waited until Mr. Tuesday rolled over and we were no longer making skin-to-skin contact.  I stirred just enough to see where all my clothes were.  Okay, jeans and cardigan were where I left them prior to hopping into bed.  I looked around for my top…ahhh….there it was, tossed near the window.  Now where the hell were my panties?  I thought that I would just leave without my fancy gitch and chalk it up to a casualty of the night but fuck, those were expensive and I’m taking them with me dammit!

Mr. Tuesday noticed me stirring.  “Everything okay?” He asked gently as he turned over to face me.  Fuck.  Now I really couldn’t leave.  I laid my head back down on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling and Mr. Tuesday draped his right arm across me and I intertwined my hand with his.  “Uh..huh.” I replied.  “You sure?  Was it okay for you?”  He softly asked as he kissed my temple.  “Yeah….yeah it was fine…you were good.”  Not sure if I sounded convincing but I didn’t really have much to add.

It was odd for me to receive such affection post sex.  It was nice.  Like I said if I wasn’t so self-conscious, I’m positive my encounter with him would have been so much better.  Maybe that was a blessing in disguise, me not coming at all.  It makes the whole “friends with benefits” thing easier to manage.  I’ve always associated climaxing as an emotional thing and isn’t that the whole point of “friends with benefits”?  NO EMOTION.  As long as I NEVER came with him, then all is well. 

I kissed his hand that was holding mine and looked at him in the shadowy darkness.  I leaned in and nuzzled my nose to his before kissing him tenderly.  I began to pet him beneath the sheets.  He returned the kiss in kind and pulled me gently towards him.  He wanted me on top again.  I looked at him and dragged my mouth slowly towards his right ear and suckled his earlobe and whispered, “You on top…please…”

Mr. Tuesday sat up on his elbows and eyed me lasciviously.  He rolled over and used one of his knees to part my thighs.  I could feel him land on my stomach, already rigid.  He softly brushed his lips against mine then began to taste his way to my breasts.  I raked my hands through his hair as he lavished his warm mouth on my peaked nipples.  I was beginning to feel the tightness in my belly.  God I loved what he was doing to me.  I was biting my lip and I swear I broke the skin.  Mr. Tuesday now hovered above me, his forearms on either side of my head.  I then felt his entire length sink slowly into my wet folds.  He filled me and I grappled his back to meet him as he thrusted.  I clenched him inside me.  I arched my back so I could feel more of him as he pumped.  Mr. Tuesday was frantically kissing my mouth, neck and ears and they bore a heated trail from his tongue.  I was distinctly moaning now and pretty sure there would be marks on his back and biceps from where I clasped my hands.  He was unrelenting as he fucked me.  I could feel myself building up but somehow knew that missionary wasn’t how he was going to finish and that I’d have to take care of business for myself later.

“I want you to put me in your mouth.” he gasped into my right ear.  I nodded, then quickly bit his lower lip as he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back.  I nipped and sucked at his nipples as I made way south.  I noticed they were obvious buttons for him as he groaned loudly.  I liked the sound he made when he was noticeably aroused.  It was such a turn on.  I trailed my tongue down his smooth torso and kissed him open-mouth on his right hip. 

Mr. Tuesday was now looking down at me.  I let him watch as I grazed my fingertips against the length of him before I held him firmly in my left hand.  The tip of my tongue stroked him repeatedly until I licked my lips, eyed him and watched as he saw me open wide and engulf him fully into my warm mouth.  He audibly gasped as I felt him hit the back of my throat.  My lips suctioned onto him and I began my advance.  He was slick from just being inside me.  I gripped him tightly at his base and sucked him until my cheeks hollowed.  He was pushing himself deeper into me and every now and then his swollen crown would press against my throat. 

Fuck.  This guy likes to savour every minute of getting oral.  I was beginning to feel my jaw twinge.  I knew he would be done soon when I felt him forcefully push my head down to take him in deeper.  I nursed him a little faster now and gripped and pumped the base of cock.  I could feel his legs slightly shake.  I gave him one last solid pull from my mouth and Mr. Tuesday finally let go with conviction.  He fully impregnated my mouth and I milked him the best that I could.  Shit.  I haven’t swallowed since I was in my 20’s.  Fuck.

I chastely kissed the very swollen tip of him once, twice, three times before swiping the back of my hand across my mouth and crawling back up towards him.  I made sure to kiss him deep because if I had to taste myself so would he.  Fucker.

We laid beside each other holding hands.  My free hand softly tracing long lines against his skin.  Again, I totally felt that I had an out of body experience.  That it wasn’t me in that bed with Mr. Tuesday. 

HIM:

So…uhhh….what was that you said about being hard to get?

He chuckled into my shoulder.

I covered my face with my hands then punched his arm.

ME:

Shut up…Fuck you…THIS whole thing is so not like me at all.  I’m not sure what the hell prompted me to be so crazy and come see you in the middle of the night.

HIM:

You were enamoured by me remember?

ME:

HA!  Okay…you’re right.

Both of us stared at his ceiling.  Mr. Tuesday and I then just started talking. He more so then I.  He talked about television shows he watched, his family and work.  He fascinated me.  I listened intently.

We laid in bed and cuddled for a little while longer before he had to get ready for work.  Mr. Tuesday asked if I needed anything before he made his way to shower.  I nodded and said that I was perfectly fine.  He put on some music and I admired his backside as he walked away from me. 

I exhaled loudly and kept reminding myself to not regret a single minute despite the fact that the logical part of me was arguing that it was a mistake; a HUGE one.  I was starting to over think things and I knew it was so going to kill my vibe.  Fuck that noise. 

I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath in and out.  Better.  I began to get dressed.  I made his bed.  Weird I know, but it’s an OCD thing of mine.  I can’t leave a bed in the morning if it’s not made, regardless of where I am.  So yes, I made the sex bed and hopped down the hallway desperate to get to my phone.

Fuck.  I needed to tell people that my cobwebs have been officially cleaned out.  Here are the assorted texts I sent out the minute my fingers touched my phone:

ME to MIRANDA:  I have been SERVICED!!!!!

ME to LEILANI:  Dude!  I had sex!!

ME to SASH:  I am about to do the “ride of shame” home!!

ME to CARRIE:  I spent the night at a boy’s house…

ME to JENN:  Mr. Tuesday is going to drive me home from his place…

ME to PIPER:  Did THE DEED last night!!

Very high school of me, I know but I couldn’t help myself.  I actually felt pretty damn good.  I can see why people are in such a eurphoric mood post sex.  Hell, I didn’t even come and I still felt great. I was shocked that none of my lady friends responded to me right away.  WTF?!  I needed to talk to someone so badly.  Fucking bitches.  I’ll have to call everyone once I got home.  Damn.

I was in the hallway on the floor madly texting my friends when Mr. Tuesday came out from around the corner, freshly showered and naked.  I was a bit taken aback by his casual demeanor but then again we did just fuck and what I saw wasn’t anything new.  I blushed.  He asked me again if I was alright.   I did my best to look him in the eyes but him being naked was a tad bit distracting.  “Yup.  Totally fine.” I told him quickly.  He turned and headed down the hall and I made my way to the living room and waited on the couch.

“Thanks for making my bed.”  He called out from his room.  I smiled to myself.   A few minutes later Mr. Tuesday walked out in dark jeans, a grey button up and a black suit jacket.  Fuck me, he was handsome.  He pecked me on the lips before he sat down and tied his shoes.  God this man smelled amazing.  Whatever cologne he was wearing I will forever associate it with him regardless of whomever else was wearing it.

Mr. Tuesday gathered his things and I was ready to do the ‘hobble of shame’ out of his apartment.  We made small talk and I kissed him on the elevator ride down.  I liked him.  I liked him enough to know that I could totally work the “friends with benefits” angle.  We were ALWAYS very upfront with each other so there was no bullshitting anything and I loved that.

The drive home was pleasant.  He stopped off at the Starbucks where we first met and picked up some warm beverages for the ride.  I nursed my chai tea latte as he sang along to his playlist with abandon.  He totally made me smile like an idiot.  Loved it.

He pulled up into my driveway and walked me to my front door.  I thanked him again for taking me home and that I had fun.  I smiled up at him and hoped that he would kiss me goodbye.  Mr. Tuesday did not disappoint.  He touched his lips to mine, soft wet and slow.   It was a lovely and proper kiss goodbye, the kind that leaves you floating.  Nice.

I watched as he got back into his car and drove away.  I wondered if he would ever contact me again since we showed each other the benefits.  Could we really be friends?