LET'S GO!!

Mr. Tuesday could tell something was wrong when he let me in.

HIM:

You alright?

He leaned in and gave me a soft peck on the lips.  God he smelled good.

ME:

I’m fine….I think I need a drink.

HIM:

Sure I’ll get you some water.

Fuck the water.  I needed something stronger.

ME:

No.  I need a REAL drink.

And with that statement I made my way to his living room and got comfortable on the couch and attempted to exhale the nervous tension I was feeling.

HIM:

Babe, it’s almost 2 in the morning I can’t believe you want me to be your bartender now.  I have work in the morning.

His use of the word ‘babe’ made me smile and the fact he sounded playful put me a bit more at ease.  I just continued to giggle relentlessly.

Mr. Tuesday was making his way towards me with a giant glass filled with clinking ice and something alcoholic that was red.  My eyes followed him as he sat perpendicular to me on his sectional.  He placed the drink on the coffee table and softly pressed his lips to mine then kissed my forehead before sinking his back into the couch. 

HIM:

We should be sitting on my bed not on the couch.  What is this?

He chuckled and smirked towards me.  Fuck he was so cute.  I was crazy nervous.  I knew that he could tell that I was, because I could not stop giggling.  His only physical contact with me was that kiss.  He kept his distance.  I could tell he was trying to be respectful or at least attempting to be a VERY patient wolf.  Either way, it was endearing.

I knew that he liked my hair down.  I pulled the hair tie out and shook my hair free so it fell in large soft waves past my shoulders.  His eyes lit up a little when I did that and his smile more devilish.

ME:

Thanks for the drink.

With that statement I took the large glass brought it to my mouth and basically pounded the drink back like it was shot.  Ice cubes and all.  I think he gave me a Caesar but the hell if I knew.  I didn’t taste anything.  I just wanted to drink it as fast as I could in the hopes that it’s effect would work it’s magic to loosen me up a bit.  No pun intended. 

HIM:

Baby!  What are you doing?  You gonna get sick!

I noticed the genuine shock on his face as I took down the beverage as fast as I did.  I also felt the butterflies go haywire in my belly when he called me ‘Baby’.  Cute.  I slammed the empty glass back onto the coffee table and let out a cleansing breath.

ME:

Okay!

HIM:

Okay?

I scooted over closer to Mr. Tuesday, leaned in and kissed him proper with just a hint of tongue.  He searched my eyes to make sure I was really okay with everything. I had stopped giggling all together after I kissed him.  Smirked and straightened my back.

ME:

Okay.  Let’s go!

HIM:

We can sit for a bit if you want.

ME:

NOPE.  Let’s go.  Take me to your bedroom…Right now!

And I stood up.

Oh man the grin he had on his face was priceless as was the chuckle he let out.  I think he was slightly taken aback by my unabashed demeanor.  You have no idea how adorable he looked in his PJs.  Heartstrings pulling.  I had to remind myself to shut that shit down.  NO ATTACHMENT.

He stood up, firmly held my left hand in his—swoon—and gingerly helped me hop down the hallway towards his bedroom.  There were a couple candles already burning in the dimly lit space. 

His bedroom, like the rest of his place was very masculine.  Browns and blacks were the colour scheme again.  His bed took up the majority of the space in his room.  He left the hall light on and there was music playing in the background.  Fuck.  This guy knows how to fully prepare.  I guess when you’re as worldly as him you kind of remember a few things when entertaining ladies.  We stop at the foot of his bed and I let go of his hand.

ME:

Okay.  Which side of the bed is yours?

He points to the left and I make my way to the right side.  He pulls the covers down and waits for me.  I begin unbuttoning my jeans and slip my cardigan off.

ME:

Just so you know I am leaving my panties and top on when I get in bed with you.

HIM:

Aww…seriously?

ME:

YOU…you are in FULL pajama regalia, there is no fucking way I am getting in naked if you’re not.  I’m not wearing a bra so that should make things a little easier.

I slipped into his bed and laid there…like a cadaver waiting for an autopsy.  Hands at my side, covers pulled up to my chest.  He kept his PJ bottoms on but I watched as he pulled his T-shirt off.  My breath hitched just a little.  He was toned.  His shoulders broad his arms defined and his chest smooth.  Fuck.  I’m going to look like shit next to him and that’s when anxiety attack number two came.

I could feel the beverage I just drank fighting it’s way to come up and minute beads of sweat began to form on my forehead and I instantly felt my hands go clammy. 

SHIT.  SHIT.  SHIT.  Not now.  NOT NOOOWW!

I HAD to pull it together or this night was going to crash and burn.  The bed had already dipped signalling that he was getting in.  FUCK!  I raised my right arm and placed my forearm on my forehead for a brief second to attempt to wipe the sweat off before placing that arm behind my head and praying my hair would help absorb the clamminess from that hand.  I gripped the sheets with the other under the covers to alleviate the problem with the left. 

I felt a brief cool whoosh of air against my bare leg and a half when he lifted the covers to get in and he scooped me close to him.  I could feel my heart in my throat.  Which was now parched by the way.  I felt dizzy but at the same time tingly in all the right places.  I had no choice but to rest my head against his smooth soft chest and just let his arms envelope me as I did the same.  My right arm rested just above the waistline of his pj’s.  Christ.

Mr. Tuesday kissed the top of my head, exhaled and whispered a soft “goodnight” against my ear, relaxed and closed his eyes.  He was super observant and was aware that I was nervous.  He knew that I haven’t slept with anyone in two years BUT he had no clue that he was now about to be the second man in my existence to share a bed with.  I was panicking because I was so desperate not to show my inexperience.  I wanted to make sure he was going to be taken care of.  I wasn’t sure how he would take the fact that he would be my number two on my proverbial bedpost.  I’d never reveal that but he may figure that out on his own once things got…er… more heated.

At this point it didn’t look promising.  Don’t get me wrong - feeling his entire body pressed against mine was glorious.  We were in our own little cocoon and I have never felt so safe in my entire life.  Bold of me to say considering that Mr. Tuesday was a practical stranger I met nine days ago and saw for a few hours that one night getting all hot and heavy.

He was ALWAYS a gentleman with me.  Conscious of boundaries.  He was going to let me initiate.  Fucker.  I squeaked out a breathy ‘goodnight’ against his pectoral and gave him a kiss on the base of his throat.  He squeezed me tighter after that.  Sigh.  I felt him against my leg.  He wasn’t fully hard but I was very much aware that he could be in mere seconds.

Okay it was sink or swim time for me.  Don’t think.  Don’t think.  JUST DO!  LIVE BITCH!   JUST FUCKING LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

I’m fairly confident that Mr. Tuesday could literally feel my heart pounding against him like a portable massager.  I closed my eyes for just a moment to gather my shit together and focus. 

I schooched myself up just enough so that when I started to peck at the hollow of his neck, his stubbly jaw and just behind his ear I would end up finishing at his mouth.  I pressed my lips to his and he welcomed me.  Our tongues wrestling against each other in a desperate need to taste.  I instantly felt myself getting wet and now REALLY felt him against me through his pajama bottoms.  The kiss grew deeper and more frantic.  I bit his lower lip and slipped my hand that was resting just above his waistline inside his pajama bottoms.  I lightly grazed him with my fingers and he groaned ever so slightly. 

Mr. Tuesday’s mouth was ravaging my neck with abandon.  I was pretty much on top of him now, my right hand still in his pants palming and cupping him.  He kissed his way down to the valley in between my chest and pulled down one side of my top to gain access to one of my heaving breasts.  The relief and pleasure I felt when his warm mouth made contact with my straining hardened nipple was exquisite torture.  I moaned audibly as he laved me there.  Holy fuck.  I was on the verge of getting off right there just from him doing that!  I was firmly stroking him now inside his pants.

Mr. Tuesday paused for just a moment to help me gain better access to him.  I winced at the lack of contact from his mouth.  He pulled off his pajama bottoms and I now saw exactly what I was holding in my hands…

Baptism By Fire Part Three

I got super nervous again all of a sudden but not for the reason that one would think.  I was nervous about Rico Suave watching me hobble out of the restaurant.  There is ZERO attraction to this dude but the fact that he has to see me and my disability in action bothered the hell out of me.  It made me feel I was not enough, even for someone like him.

He didn’t even open the fucking doors for me himself.  He used the handicapped buttons on the doors and ONLY because I approached the doors first, well before he did.  One of them didn’t even work so I had to open the door MYSELF!

As I followed him to his car, he made a comment about the fact I wouldn’t be able to stop him from touching me if he wanted to because I was busy using my crutches.   He then proceeded to grab my ass.  I knew right then I was totally fucked once I got into his car.  I wasn’t scared more then I was annoyed.  I knew he was planning on fully unleashing his Rico Suave moves on me.  I knew I could beat the shit out of him with my crutches! 

I roll dough by hand for a living, so my pipes were bigger then his.  Fear of something really bad happening to me wasn’t an issue.  This bitch can take care of herself.

Shockingly he opened the car door for me and I immediately grabbed my phone as a precautionary measure.  He grabs my left hand in his as we drive off.  I try to wiggle my hand free and I look at him and say, “How do you think the night is going to end?”  He finally lets go and says, “I don’t know but I had a really good time with you tonight.  How do you think it’s gonna end?”  I let him know that it was very nice to meet him (LIE) and that he gets a handshake from me, that’s how the night is going to end.

Rico Suave looks at me with shock and disappointment.  I also tell him that there is no way in hell he is coming inside my house.  One would think that was a telltale sign that the date was a dud.  Nope.  Dude had the balls to actually park the car on my driveway.  My seatbelt was already off and I had already opened the car door dying to make my escape. 

I thank him again for a ‘nice’ evening and offer a handshake.  He takes my hand and pulls me in for a hug and then BAM!  Rico Suave shoves his tongue into my mouth!!

He wasn’t a horrible kisser but I was practically barrel-rolling out of the car to get away from him.  One would think it would be best not to put the ‘moves’ on.  I made the mistake of placing my hand on his shoulder to push him away and bite his lower lip to get him to extract his tongue from my mouth. 

My complete inexperience in the art of saying ‘good-bye’ showed, because when I pulled away and attempted to say, “I have to g….” Yes.  That’s right Rico Suave only pulled me back into him and intensified his kiss.  I didn’t even have the chance to say the word ‘go’ for fuck’s sake!!  I shoved him off me and got the hell out of the car, slammed the door and got the inside my house as quickly as I could.

I then immediately called my friend Carrie and told her I was coming over.  She asked if I was okay.  I said ‘yes’ and hopped on my scooter and booted it to her house.  As I was making my way to Carrie’s I get a text from Rico Suave.

Him: 

Did you panic when I kissed you?

Me: 

No.  Why?

Him: 

You just left really quickly.  I think you’re hot BTW.  We have chemistry.  I’m still close by.  Do you want me to come back?

Seriously.  The motherfucking balls on this guy!!! 

Me:

No.  Go home.

I wanted to add “You fucking pervy cheap bastard!” to the end of the text but Rico Suave wasn’t worth anymore of my time.

I got to Carrie’s place and she immediately got me a Mango-rita and asked me again if I was okay.  I reassured her that I was then gave her the play by play of the evening.  She was horrified that I paid for dinner.  She then asked me if I regretted going.

“As bleak as the date itself was, I know that I am capable of engaging in conversation and I wasn’t a complete idiot.  I also got kissed for the third time in my entire life.  It may have been unwelcome and the LEAST romantic, but someone kissed me.”

“Nice!” Carrie says happily.  “Now you won’t be so nervous the next time.”

Lucky for me Sharknado 2 was making it’s premiere that night and I stayed over to see what all the hype was about.  I laughed my ass off with her family before I headed home for the evening.

When I walked through my door after getting home from Carrie’s place, I cried.  I crumpled onto the floor and sobbed in the foyer of my new place.  Alone.  I hated online dating.  I hated that you are judged on the way you look.  My whole life my look wasn’t good enough.  I was the fat funny girl.  Fun to hang out with but not to kiss goodnight.   No boy liked me in high school.  I never posed for my high school grad photos or went to prom for fuck’s sake because I didn’t feel pretty enough compared to everyone else.  College was the same.  I was actually surprised I managed to get married, but that ship has sailed.  To start from scratch at forty and be disabled amplifies every last insecurity I have about myself.  In the world of online dating looks aren’t everything.  It’s the ONLY thing and I certainly don’t have that.  

I fell asleep that night in the hallway like a dog, my pretty white dress and make-up ruined and I had thrown my crutches out on the porch with disgust.

Textual Relations

Rico Suave:

“FINALLY… hello hello”

Me:

“Hi.”

Rico Suave:

“What are you up to?”

Me:

“Not much of a texter so forgive me if I don’t get back to you right away.  I also have a very busy baking week ahead of me.”

I know.  I’m all business in my reply.  Like I said before, totally awkward in situations like this and it’s ONLY texting.

Rico Suave:

“What are you making?”

Me:

“Cakes and cupcakes.  I’ll be covered in icing and sugar by the time this week is over.”

Texts can be interpreted in many ways and again my complete lack of experience in the art of texting had me walk right into the innuendo that came next.

Rico Suave:

“Hmmm…covered in icing and sugar…I’d like to see that.  I bet you would taste delicious.”

To say I more then blushed was an understatement.  I was totally embarrassed yet slightly intrigued at the same time.  I decided to be flirty back.  Why the hell not.  It’s not like I’m going to see him in person anytime soon.  Be bold I said to myself.

Me:

“Hahaha!  That’s for me to know and if you play your cards right…”

We texted daily over the next five days.  They were fun and flirty and I was enjoying myself and then he suggested that we meet.  I told him that there was no way in hell that we would meet until we had a ‘phone date.’  I said it was important for me to hear the sound of his voice.  The phone also allows you have a conversation in real time, no delay, no hiding behind a text that can be interpreted in so many ways.   It was also a delay tactic since I am scared shitless to actually go on a date with a boy.

I decided that I would let him call me.  Midnight.  Friday. 

12:01am he calls.  I’m having small heart palpitations just before I answer my cell phone.

 

“Hello.  How are you?”

I try to sound mysterious but I’m giggling like a school girl.  Giggling is my coping mechanism when I’m nervous. 

Rico Suave sounds like The Fonz but not as smooth. 

“I’m good.  So what do you want to know?  I like your voice.”

That was his opener to me.  I could see conversation would be a challenging task.  I ask him to tell me more about himself.  What he does for a living.  Siblings.  How his day was.  He answers them kind of matter-a-factly and then again with, “What else do you want to know about me?”  Then waits for more questions from me.  SERIOUSLY!?

I ask him about the restaurant he went to for dinner prior to calling me and that seemed to totally break the ice with him.  Maybe Rico Suave was just at nervous as I was talking to him?  Once we got into the topic of anything food our conversation flowed easily and he asked the typical ‘getting to know you’ questions of me.

About an hour into our phone date the topic of sex came up.  My friends KNOW this is a topic I have no problem discussing.  Aside from food it’s the next best thing I love to talk, dream, read, write and watch!!!  It got raunchy pretty fast but that was all him.  He’s technically still a stranger and I of course am still a lady and only answered with a yes, no or maybe.  I NEVER elaborated.  Must leave some stuff for the imagination!!!  His sex shit talk wasn’t anything new to me.  Please.

It was approaching 2am.  I was amused by our phone date and was VERY cautiously optimistic.  I gave him a pass on his foodie knowledge but just barely.  I told Rico Suave I needed to go, and bid him a breathy goodnight.

One minute later the fucker texts me to say that he can’t sleep and has the audacity to challenge me to a “sexting” contest.  The balls on this dude!  I however accepted the challenge against my better judgement and explained it was a ONE-TIME thing.  Rico Suave had no idea that I write erotic poetry for friends and smutletts for fun.  BRING IT ON!  There is no way he could EVER be better than me at this.  

I won.

He asked me out on a date 24 hours later.